You killed my husband? oh shit!

After a particularly bad weekend why would I be surprised. Maybe because yesterday wasn't all that bad and I was able to take a breath. Regardless today off to a grand one. Its Tuesday and he's back at the daycare which give me a needed break. I was surprised he wasn't up yet this morning when I went downstairs at 7:30 this morning. I actually had to wake him up at 8:00 to get things going. His first comment to me when I woke him up was "oh, what a night". I didn't question it, I just had to get him going and get myself together to get out to door as soon as possible. I made the mistake of asking him on the drive to the facility, "so you had a bad night ... what happened". I killed a man last night. Like an idiot instead of saying "oh, that's nice". I said who did you kill? ... "Your husband" he says. Ahhhh dad, I'm a guy and I'm not gay. He says, "I know what you are". Normally I would have jump all over this statement but I decided not to feed into his current mind set. I did say. "so how did you kill him?". He responded, "the usual way". The usual way? The usual way? there is a usual way of killing a man? I asked, "so whats the usual way dad?" He said, "I spit at him and I didn't know there was a bullet at the end of my spit".

Jocky Shorts and Kangaroos

I had to leave dad at home today. That is home alone. The last time I did this he ended up locking himself in a car parked in the driveway. My daughter was the last person driving the car and didn't lock it up when she parked. He got in and locked the door and couldn't figure out how to get out. The Orkin man found him and went and called a neighbor.

Today I had to leave him home alone because we are switching daycare providers. He starts there tomorrow. He has been to the new place, its where to stayed when I had business meetings in Seattle. Whether he'll remember that doesn't really matter, it will all be forgotten before too long.

I got home from my daily calls at 1:15 this afternoon. He is in good shape. Actually he tells me things went great today. They sold a bunch of Kangaroos to the Disney company. I didn't ask how much they charged but I'm sure the answer would have been interesting. Bad news though my distribution guy (?) called, he's in the warehouse and doesn't have any pants. He wants me to bring him some pants because he only has on his Jockey shorts.

By the afternoon, we're being sued! By whom? None other than that young man of course. And who is "defending" the young man? Me of course. After all these years why now? Why would he sue now? Of course I shouldn't have to say but it's all a delusion. I think the old guy nods off and what ever squirms around in his cranium when he wakes is this next real life issue. Just a theory but I've seen it happen. Well, I don't see whats in his head but I've seen him wake up from sitting in the chair nap to some altered reality.

Decisions Desisions

I'm afraid the time is coming soon for me make a decision to place pops in a home. The stress of work, adult daycare, and his mental state are rapidly affecting my own health. To think of him in such an environment is difficult. He's my father, not an invalid. Its hard to think of a parent in that way.

I am neither young or old but 47 is too young (I think) to have a parent in an "old folks home". I remember my father well into his sixties when my grandmother was starting to lose her grip on reality. Here I am ten years after she pasted away having to deal with my father in a state of mind much worse than my grandmothers state when she passed away. I think dad was the lucky one. Grandmother broker her hip and never made it out of the nursing home. Her dementia was far less debilitating than my fathers. She was independent up until the time of her accident. Out on a walk with her dog Princess when something happened. She claims a stray dog from the neighborhood knocked her down. My dad, at the time, had doubts with her story. Whether she thought it was true was irrelevant. He thinks she tripped over her own dog or maybe even feel off the curb. Regardless she was out walking her dog; something my father could never do (even if we had a dog) in his current state of mind.

Pops is bad though. His Brother Lyle has no idea really whats going on. He knows dad is slipping but the last time he visited, September I believe, dad was in a different state of mind. Not entirely but able to visit and have a semi lucid conversation with her brother. I called Helen, my aunt after their last visit with dad just to see what she thought. She said she thinks he was confused as to who they were at times during the visit. Somethings thinking they were the parents of people he grew up with in Colorado Springs. Then he would ask about Tim and Dale (their two boys) like he knew exactly who they were. That's the way this things goes, they will get some facts right but mix them up in the same sentence or same thought with is totally in left field. Crazy. Lyle has Parkinson's disease. it was only diagnosed within the last six month and but I think he's rapidly having difficulties. I can hear it in his voice.

I quizzed him on the way home from daycare today. The simple questions how old are you? Whats you birthday? How old are your kids, Mike and Jeff? What was the name of your wife? What was the name of your employer? It was interesting what he got right and what he got wrong. According to him he's around 57 years old. He knows he wife is Donna but thinks they were married around 6 years. Mike and Jeff of 9 to 11 years old; sometimes their the same age sometimes their different age. It depends on the date. (that's what he said). Had no clue who he worked for. He named a few companies I never heard of. He worked for the Willard-Brent company for 30+ years and didn't mention that one. He's slipping away.

I got him into a different daycare provider after his current one changed things up on me today. I walk in today and was met at the the door by one of the administrators telling me because of the ownership change he had to get new forms from his doctor. They faxed them to his doctor over the weekend. They hadn't received anything back as of this morning and if they don't by this afternoon he can't come back tomorrow. Gee thanks for the heads up! Its amazing to me how people in the "business" can be so clueless as to the difficulties of caring for someone while trying to deal with the rest of life. By the time I got there in the afternoon they informed me that they did in fact receive his information from his doctor BUT the rate starting tomorrow is 40% more AND I have to pay a month in advance. SEE YA! Rat Bastards.

Mustard Mustashe

I catch the old man drinking out of the orange juice carton. Come on man! When you caught me doing that when I was a kid you cut me balls off! He's been quite off today. Not quite sure who the hell I am. Am I Mike? Am I Sir? Anything but Jeff. When I tell him my name he asks if I know "his Jeff" little Jeff, his son. Criminy.

I'm working home today so I make sure to go downstairs just to be sure he's not doing anything "unusual". You know unusual for him leaves a lot of headroom. The latest trip downstairs finds him in his usual position; in front of the open refrigerator. Wholly crap! this time its not the Orange Juice container pursed lips but the open mustard jar. What the hell are you doin' man?!? SORRY! he exclaims puts the lid back on and closes the refrigerator. There's my crazy pops standing there with a Mustard Mustache.

Wada weekend

I'm exhausted mentally and physically. Its been a tough weekend. Pops started, how do I say this delicately, ah ... having the runs? (I guess that works) last Friday. What a mess, lucky for me I still have some adult diapers around from an earlier time when I thought those might just best suit him. They ended up on suiting him before because it wasn't a control issue, it was more a location issue. Meaning he just didn't mess himself without thought, it was more along the lines of, I'd just rather pee in the hallway.

For this weekend it was ah. oppps I crapped my pants time. Well, in all honesty, I don't think he realized he crapped his pants; just that his seat was getting hot. I don't know how many we went through but more than I would care to really thing about. I started noticing today those that his mind was much less clear (if that is at all possible) then before. He has been picking things up that don't exist. I mean I watch him from across the room and he make the gesture that he is picking something off the floor and he carries it in his and and trys to set it down but in reality there is nothing there. Its the damnedest thing to watch. He'll come over and say, "what do you want me to do with this" and there's nothing there. What da say? I just pretend to take it from him. Someone told him that if dementia sufferers get dehydrated that it can become worse and I was witnessing that. So we made a trip to the store to get him some Pedialyte. By late Sunday I was seeing some improvement. But I'm totally spent.

Tomorrow I have to get everything ready for my trip to Seattle. That includes mostly getting him prepared to stay in Respite. I haven't and will not tell him I'm going and where he's staying, there really isn't a point. I am not going to worry while I'm gone I have total turn in the organization I'm leaving him with.